L'Haim!

Health is a pretty funny thing. We take it for granted when we have it and when we don't, boy do we pine for it. I know because for about a month now I've been struggling - and I REALLY do mean struggling - with pneumonia.

And while I cough spasmodically and treat the on-again-off-again fever, I think about the saying: "As long as you have your health..." Heck, I've thrown that one out over the years. "Was anyone hurt? Thank god. Your health is all that matters."
Uttered by rote. But never quite believing because if everyone truly is un-scathed in the disaster, then a certain smugness sets in and the wrecked vehicle, burnt photographs, stolen valuables, etc. take on meaning.

But for myself in the present, stopping during walks to gasp for air, a broken rib compliments of violent coughing, elusive sleep and painful movement of any kind bring to the fore the whole matter of health.

I find myself stealing peeks at elderly people using canes or walkers. Sharing a knowing glance and nod with my parkbench partner, both of us panting for breath. I watch people in wheelchairs for signs or clues of...I don't know what. I dramatically query my aging parents: "Is this what getting older is going to be like? Then kill me now!" (To which my father replies: "Cut the drama, Stephanie")

And sometimes I cry because I want to feel better. I want to ride my bike, I want to walk fast, to properly sword-fight with my son - not the current, pathetic markers for weapons with me seated in a chair duel. I want to sleep the night through without waking on the hour to cough...I WANT TO FEEL GOOD!!!

So grant me this moment of drama, if you will. My blog hasn't been funny or lively lately because I'm not feeling all that funny or lively and I apologize.

In the most Zen way possible, this must be teaching me about cherishing good health and appreciating it for as long as it graces my life and about appreciating that I'm lucky because for the most part, I have it and have had it...Now, I want it back.

Things I've Noticed

After being away from anything for ten, fifteen or more years - a person, hobby, vacation destination or home - the changes "the other" has undergone leap out preliminarily because the frozen image within the mind is simply outdated.

Accordingly, the first months and years upon re-entry are "fresh" ones. Impressions and mental images are sharp, crisp and clear but it's a limited time deal: Blurring sets in rapidly and once a daily routine develops, the images can dull and fade away altogether.

So before mine starts going fuzzy, how's about a few snapshots from the Steph Collection?

1) Everyone's Aged and Gained Weight!!. You run into old friends or meet them on purpose. You're feeling a bit anxious because over the years you've had a kid, put on a few pounds and that 20-something svelte is long gone. But criminy how the friend or acquaintance looks! You couldn't possibly have greyed that much or be protruding so prominently in the pooch, could you?....hmmmm.

2) Kudos to the Service Industry (sic). Okay so that's an anomaly here in Holy Land Central (HLC) but doing business with the young, with-it sales reps of Cellcom or talking to 012 tech support or Help lines? No different than being back in the U.S. of A. No lengthy waits in hold-hell listening to Musak, no indifferent clerks who discuss evening plans over the phone with boyfriends while you wait impatiently. It's efficiency without the mindless automaton, U.S. customer service voice. (Not everywhere, of course. For nostalgia's sake, stop by any government office)



3) Ha'Yarkon Park Promenade is Gorgeous. The entire upgrade from the promenade to the rowing club across the river, to the arching, wooden bridges adorned with fairy lights is simply lush. I feel like a character out of Zhang Yimou's Raise the Red Lantern whenever I walk or ride my bike alongside the willow graced, river banks.

4) I Still Have an Aversion to Jerusalem. Call me godless. But man is that city frenetic and full of zealot energy and I don't mean the Roman era kind (Oh am I gonna get it for that one, I can feel it already). Yes it is beautiful and for living, fascinating history can't be beat. But it has always been too intense for me so why would ten years within a few millenia make a difference? Silly me for being so self centered.


5) Israeli Women are Still Hot. I didn't make that up. The guys concur too. Ask Tonny (my husband). They dress to accent, show it off and certainly not to cover it up. And good on 'em is what I say. Why else have it, huh? That being said, however, there are higher numbers of heavy people around than in days past. Computers, sedentary lifestyles, comforts, high stress...Same stuff the world is grappling with.

6) Less Aggro. You just don't see the screaming and yelling that used to be sooooo commonplace. Sure it's around but somehow, it's more shocking nowadays. People turn around and stare. And when I've tried it on a few times, instead of a screaming match, I've been quickly leveled with a simple: "Don't talk to me that way if you want me to help you". Makes for quiet in the room very quickly.

7) Still Provincial. Sorry but...(I'm going to get it for that one too)

8) Men Have Come Out. Not only in the gay pride, boyfriends holding hands in public sense but also in the beauty bits. Strolling past Tel Aviv day spas, I've been pleasantly surprised at the sight of men getting manicures. Metro-Sexual is where it's at, gents!


9) Where are All the Palestinians? Funny what a decade of stalled talks, ill faith and bombings can do. They are not to be seen anywhere It's a little bit bizarre...On the other hand:

10) Marked Upsurge in the Asian Population They originally came to work and now they're settling down. This thrills me to no end having just transplanted from a near-50% Asian city. I'm fascinated with various cultures and cuisines so it's nice to know that the influence isn't far away.

11) Raised Animal Awareness Last time I was here, it was to work a stint on a goat farm. The owners actually instructed us to "throw rocks at them to get them to do what you want"..and as added insult, they would "teach the dogs a lesson" for stealing food from the kitchen by tying them to a fence in the blazing sun. THAT gig didn't last. How refreshing nowadays to see all of the men and women adopting animals and feeding the street cats.

12) She Still Got it Goin' On. Despite all this country goes through year after year, there's still a vibrant buzz. Sort of akin to my friend Karina saying she lives in Manhatten because It lights a fire underneath her ass. There's a spark of life and energy that's almost electric. Good thing because it's a positive element transplants to HLC site most often.

Where There's Smoke...

A few chapters back, I wrote about my sick child and my sick self battling over health rights at the local clinic.

As noted in my entry, the powers that be mysteriously waived my health insurance waiting period and lo and behold, I was granted coverage 6 months earlier than was my due. Hallelujah!

Since, the wee one has returned to near normal health following a VERY LOOOOONG week at home replete with the thrills and pleasures of fever, cough, copious nasal emissions and painful fever blisters.

While the young'un shed his illness, however, mine lingered. Pleasantries have included a hacking cough so violent that during one fit, I was forced to exit the toy store for several minutes until the coughing subsided. I thought my eyes would pop out. Phone talk (read: work, for a journalist) has been nearly impossible because the next coughing fit has been lying in wait to go full hack just as I'm mid-stream, phone conversation with, say, the Chinese Embassy press attache.

When the fever returned this week, I went to the doctor. "Congratulations," he said. "It's the same virus half the country has. Can't really treat it but you can take aspirin for the fever." He listened to my lungs, checked my throat and mentioned that this could last the entire season.

The entire season? Was he wasted? I'm barely talking to anyone because breathing is a chore, I've got chills and I'm treating a fever four times a day. If this goes "all season" point me towards the welfare office, please.

I knew something wasn't right. Particularly when, two days later, the hacking was so violent my eyes felt like popping again, my left side felt as if I'd mysteriously broken a rib, and I was on the phone at 3 a.m. to my physician parents in Cincy to get their input and also to stay awake because lying down produced coughing spasms and more pain.

Off to a different doctor. X-rays, blood work, EKG. Diagnosis? Pneumonia.

Hello and welcome antibiotics. I do not wish pneumonia on anyone. This is my second rendezvous and it's painful, relentless and miserable.

Here's the deal: If you think you're sick and you don't believe what the doc doled out first time around? By God take yourself back for round two. This stuff can kill!

Which, on a different subject: Very horrible news from the U.S. this week. Makes my little cough appear trite: My cousin Dolores who's in her 70's died in such a freak accident it's crazy. She apparently drove her car into the garage adjoining her condo, left it running and died of asphyxiation. As my mother said, her children must be absolutely heartsick.

A wish of Good Health to all!

Light at the Tunnel's End

For months now I've twisted my proverbial handkerchief in angst watching as my small monster - otherwise known as Raphael, my 4-year-old - suffers our move. From not knowing how to relate to the kids, to not having friends to disliking school to feeling left out because of lacking language skills, it has not been smooth sailing for him.

This week, however, Raph did a few things I haven't seen him do for some time: He sang to himself contentedly while dancing his way down the street and he ventured inside a cafe to ask for what he wanted rather than hiding behind my skirt folds.

I'm not saying we're clear and free - he still doesn't have a special friend just yet - but these small signs provide at least some respite.

On The Move

Whilst making plans to return to Holy Land Central (HLC), I googled, searched Foreign Ministry websites, queried Israelis on e-mail lists and generally put out feelers to glean as much information as possible about what to expect on the other end and how to best prepare for getting there. I wanted details on shipping, packing, school registration, apartments, health laws, costs of living, the job market and on and on and of course, a single entity couldn't address all of that.

Underlying the search lay the core, elusive question: Will I be happy & is this the right decision? - that, unfortunately, no one can answer; you'll ONLY find out after taking the leap. Isn't life fun that way?

I am, however, a great believer in the gut. If it feels right you know it. Believe and follow suit, brother. Hallelujah. If you're feeling depressed, agitated and angst-ridden, that ain't for nothing. Heed the call and retreat. Or at least duck and cover. Do what it takes.

That said, preparation for the big move is possible and advisable...So on the continued theme of "Stefanella Preach Week", once again, fresh off the pulpit, some of the most useful tips I can conjure for crossing the divide:

1) Plan in advance. Take a year, two years, whatever you think you need, unless you're 18 or a Tibetan Monk and all your worldly possessions fit compactly into a rucksack. Major moves require major planning

2) Save $$. There's no rule about how quickly work will be found but accrue enough to live half a year without just in case. How to estimate the budget? Tap into housing websites for rent figures and ask around on e-mail lists for monthly bill figures for your choice destination then get out the calculator

3) Avoid Relatives. Not literally, just the live-in part. Try to get a temporary or vacation flat, ESPECIALLY if you're a family, while you settle in. As it is, the pressure's going to be on. Do you really need to add to it by squeezing into the in-laws' place?

4) Get Rid of It!. Unless you're a diplomat moving on company budget to a sprawling villa which can accommodate bulky, U.S.-standard(assuming this is your jumping-off point) furniture, ditch as much and you can and start anew. My 4-poster, wrought iron, curtained Out of Africa-era bed back in the Edwardian, San Fran bedroom? Wouldn't have fit, literally, here. Use the cash from your garage sale over there to get what you need on this end. There are Web lists for used goods, friends or family for hand-me-downs and IKEA and wholesale to upscale shopping zones for all your needs

5) Send Sentiment. That said, don't get rid of the bits and pieces you hold dear and that goes for books too. It's super reasonable to ship via USPS and it's loads of fun to open up and look at your stuff when you've been here two months, reminiscing about your former, HUGE place that all of these chachkes used to fit into. One word of advice: Be CERTAIN to get an in-person explanation of measuring or you will be sent home to re-pack - in our case 18 boxes - to adhere to U.S./Israel size regulations.

6) Do It There. Anything that can be taken care of on that end, from Interior Ministry to Absorption Ministry paperwork to registration of a child born outside Israel, etc. DO IT THERE! Get in contact with your nearest Israeli consulate and schedule an appointment. Don't forget to get an Apostille seal for official documents like Birth and Marriage Certificates and to bring about 5-10 extra passport photos. You'll be delighted you took care of it in advance

7) Get On Lists. Tap into e-mail lists (see below) in your intended area and watch what people talk about and how things are couched. You'll learn a tremendous amount via observation. Ask questions, too. Don't be shy. Remember: Almost everyone here is a transplant so they've been in your shoes. And think about it: Who doesn't like offering advice?



8) Brace for Post-Honeymoon. It WILL happen so be ready for it: The taxi driver who seemed so adorable when he unabashedly asked your salary two months ago, now seems a cheeky, meddler. The elderly woman at the supermarket, so endearing when she last advanced in the cue because I only have two things is now that pushy, line jumper riding the coattails of seniority. The honeymoon will fade and life will become normal just like it is anywhere. Bills to pay, work to do, illness to attend to, meals to cook...Try not to sink. Take walks, keep it fresh and remember what brought you in the first place. If it still applies, ride out the wave


A few resources to consider:

AACI Americans and Canadians in Israel. Great resource for info and jobs

Nefesh B'Nefesh Leave politics aside; The website is an excellent resource

Taanglo, Jaanglo or Raanana List: e-mail discussion groups in Tel Aviv, Jerusalem and Raanana among Anglos in English covering everything from hiking to book clubs to garage sales to jobs. Get on by signing up at yahoogroups.com

Homeless If you read Hebrew, this is a MUST resource for temporary apartments, used furniture and appliances, apartment rentals, etc. Covers the entire country

Good Luck and See you When you Get Here!

Dying for Drugs

First thing in the morning, I click on the computer and my homepage gives me this lead story.

Okay, I'm sorry but WTF?!?!?

I'm not advocating drug dealing, smuggling or use. But to hang a 25-year-old kid for trafficking? I've been to Singapore and I've seen the signs warning against spitting in the street. Yeah it's rich and beautiful and the poor people are hidden away on the city's fringes but the undertone is harsh.

"Singapore is a small, affluent society next door to one of the world's biggest suppliers of drugs, the golden triangle. I think Singapore would have been a very different place if it was not tough on it," said political analyst Seah Chiang Nee.

Thanks, Seah. If this is the way you all keep a'hold of that wealth, let's hope your kid doesn't develop a taste for ecstasy.

The blow to the gut of the whole thing is Singapore government's so-called relenting to Nguyen Tuong Van's mother by allowing her to hold his hand and stroke his hair before putting the noose around his neck. Originally, they weren't going to let them see each other at all. My, how considerate.

And shame on Australian PM John Howard. You hope the strongest message that comes out of this is Don't do Drugs? Sure, this kid was of Vietnamese origin but he's still an Australian national. The lesson for you, Mr. Howard, should be to re-think relations with those neighbors across the pond.

Yes, there are problems a-plenty here in Holy Land Central and perhaps I'm out of my league and yes, the Great Country I hail just executed inmate #1000 but this morning, I join the thousands in mourning Nguyen's untimely, cruel death.

Sisters & Their Cash

Months before returning to Tel Aviv, I checked myself onto numerous e-mail discussion lists to get a vibe up on the scene here in HLC (Holy Land Central)..You know: see what people talk about, what the tone is, what types of jobs are up for grabs and what stuff is sold at garage sales.

Earlier this week, moderators of one of the higher brow lists catering to upper tier, professional women, organized a dinner and lecture in Herzeliya's high tech zone. Set upon meeting and greeting women I've known virtually for nearly a year and primed for gleaning financial tips from the high profile, investment broker speaking on Women and Finances, I eagerly attended.

The evening was a complete mix of jelly bean flavors, not necessarily gourmet. Starting with the inane: The Italian restaurant was oh-so-tepid. While the prix fixe menu was ridiculously low budget - fruit juice, salad or soup appetizer, pasta entree and coffee or tea for under $15 - and the food was decent, the service was crapola.."Can I please, please, please get that coffee I paid for now if I'm nice, remind you six times and pass another fiver into your palm when nobody's looking?"

Onto the second level: The Attendees. Young, pension age, middle age, Israeli, South African, American, English, CEO's, independent contractors, consultants, computer industry salarieds...An impressive lot with ambition, smarts and clearly the know-how to have attained positions of status within their realms.

Top floor, please: The Lecture. I couldn't help but conjure Steve Jobs as a wiry female while watching our turtleneck-clad investment speaker work the crowd. Alas, the dry ice and flashy effects were missing. Not missing, unfortunately, was a pandering to gender stereotypes: If you inherited $50 thousand, let's admit it ladies: Most of you would stick it in the bank and forget about it Or: Budget, does not mean the car rental company.



I looked around the dinner table thinking: So I'm a teeny bit savvy. A few investments here and there (but still awaiting Puff Diddy's invite to next season's St. Tropez bash onboard the Christina O). Are women in Israel completely out of the investment-smarts loop, hanging onto their man's trouser inseam for support, as our speaker was suggesting?

Can't be. Next to me is the CEO of a Japanese language/business consultancy who formed her company after living in Tokyo for 6 years. She's smart, sexy and tri-lingual. Next to her is the owner/operator of a top, graphics design firm currently working a major name, credit card account. And on and on and on.

So I send out feelers 'round the table and boy, do the sistahs come out from behind their linguine: Oh my god this lecture is off the mark. She's completely stereotyping and her statistics are outdated....Whew! What a relief.

Not to completely paint our financial guru as an antique heap -she actually was sharp and on the ball but using scare tactics that didn't work. When she finally dismissed the drama and got down to the bottom line of tips, she hit payola with highly relevant points for BOTH genders. I share a few:

1) Women generally outlive men. Start stashing it and definitely know what policies the other holds and how to get hold of the investment contact.
2)Women are outliving their pensions these days. SCARY!!! Talk to a financial planner about this one
3) Diversify...Think: bonds, stocks, property, hedge funds and cash
4) Cash is King. 10% of your worth should be in cash flow, high interest accounts
5) 25% of income should go into a savings or investment plan
6) If you don't know what you're spending and what's coming in each month, consider it a danger signal

Feeling enlightened? Good. Go and invest, brothers and sisters...