It was inevitable that at some point along the voyage of returning to Holy Land Central (HLC) I'd meet up with The Fall. The dimming of the lights. The blinking away of fairy dust coating my perceptions.
It has been a gradual descent but one felt more acutely lately. The hardening, the sharpening awareness, the returned, haunting grievances - the same ones that drove me away a decade ago.
It's all normal, of course. How could a person expect NOT to, at some point along the way, meet up with old unaddressed issues? And were I to remain in Rebecca of Sunnybrooke Farm "everything here is wonderful and perfect!" mode, well we all know how far that would take me..
What are the grievances? you ask. Aha. The usual suspects: arrogance, the service industry (oxymoron), apathy, the constant uphill battle, a lack of finesse. Much more. I am loathe to share all in a public forum. But weren't these the things that brought me back? Isn't it all about perspective?
Arrogance can be construed as confidence, apathy as relaxed attitudes, uphill battles as the spark of challenge and lacking polish as down to earth. See how it works? Clever, clever. Perspective perspective.
Bottom line: It's about the internal adjustment regardless of external. The reflection bounced back from society's mirror. Alcoholics Anonymous knew what was up when coining the phrase: Pulling a geographic.
It's a lesson. Everything's a lesson. Sometimes nauseatingly so.
Happy happy! Joy joy!
3 comments:
All very true, but you know what? I find that whenever I'm in a major "anti" mode, something happens to remind me that this country is special in so many ways, and that good things happen here that you probably wouldn't see anywhere else.
Oh Steph! I so know what you mean. But don't throw in the towel just yet. There are so many positive things to look forward to, like, um ... well, ok, so none comes to mind right now, but I'm sure there's something ...
Hang in there kiddo. We're all here with you :)
Hugz
Thanks guys. It's okay, really (chokes back sob) But seriously, I realize that if I fly the coop, it's one more upheavel. One more "start from scratch". And there's so much I want to BUILD that if I don't tough it out, it just ain't gonna be. As long as there are seeming options on the horizon..(how Scarlett O'Hara esque!)
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