Sunday, September 03, 2006

Slogging through the Slime

I'm having a helluva time being back in Holy Land Central (HLC) after my summer away. I'm angry, critical, down, disgusted and mostly living the negative persona these days.

I'm suffering a case of the re-adjustment blues. With a tinge of mourning thrown in over my lost dog and cat. With a good measure of revisiting feelings that sent me packing from HLC a decade ago towards a life in San Francisco. Feelings I need to explore.

In the meantime, I'm buoyed by an excellent bevvy of family and friends too numerous to name here. And Rapha. And generous strangers.
Rapha and I begin walking Simba - a 4-month-old lab/golden retriever mix we met at the park - this week to get in some quality dog time. It feels right.

These images are representative of what brings me joy these days. HLC's natural beauty. Colorful, wild bougainvillea, carob trees, date palms, olive groves.. A feast for the eyes. Enjoy...


Liza said...

Whenever I go to the US, and for some time after my return to Israel, I spend a lot of time wondering if I'm living in the right place. I think it's natural to speculate. For as long as we live here, I think, the US will always be "home" in the sense that it's where we spent our formative years, where things make sense in a natural way as opposed to in ways that had to be learned and adopted after deciding to make our lives here. It's the curse of the expat, for better or for worse, and I find that with me, it has ups and downs, usually coinciding with those trips. After 15 years, I'm still here though, so you can see what constantly wins out.

Stefanella said...

Thank you, Liza. As with the supportive comments about my dog, any input on this sense of feechs helps as well. I miss my parents terribly and am drawing the horrible parallel after losing the pets of ...well it's obvious. Our time together is short but as another friend pointed out, were I to live there full time, I'd probably drive nails into my eyes. It's the longing for what cannot be had...slf

Anonymous said...

Hey Steph,

I think it just takes time to settle into your "dual identity" -- I have a feeling of acceptance that I'll never feel totally Israeli here, or totally American there, and that's the way it is.

I guess that's why I like living out here in the sticks of Ra'anana, where everyone is like that. Nobody belongs, so everyone does, you know what I mean?

Tried to call you but your machine said you were still abroad! Good thing I read your blog so I know your machine lies.


Liza said...

Drive nails into your eyes? Now that's gotta hurt... If that's your alternative situation, stay here and stick to the annual visits. It appears that your health (and eyesight) depend on it.

Stefanella said...

Alli: Understood. Jeff calls it the "perpetually looking through the plate glass window syndrome". I'm simply in an I Hate Everything mode (except for Raphael & ice cream). Thanks for the support, though