Friday, January 20, 2006

Breathing Into It

IN the late 90's, I spent a year learning about Anger & Conflict in Relationships & Love, Passion and Obsession in a course offered at San Francisco State University. Half the year delved into the anger aspect - individual, collective, societal, global, etc. - while the other half year was spent learning about the various types of love and relationships we get ourselves into and how to wade through them, surface to the top and make sense of it all in the process.

We sailed through mucho information that year and I took an entire binder-full of notes which I occasionally refer to when a bit of memory refreshing is in order.

I thought about the course today because I have hit the fork in the road Genevieve, our instructor, lectured about at length. It's the point in life, in a relationship, in a job and so on where you are sitting at the corner of "unknown" and "follow my routine path" and it's up to you to choose your destination.

In yoga, it's referred to as either pulling back from a particularly uncomfortable pose or breathing into it until the pain changes.

I'm looking at this HLC (Holy Land Central) place and thinking: Am I really back here again? What did I do that for?

I'm certainly not going to pull back from the pose (the usual routine) because where in the heck would I go where uncomfortability, which really boils down to the uncomfortable parts within myself, won't eventually find me?

So I have to breathe into it (unknown) and see where it takes me which sort of sucks because it's not a great feeling. Sometimes I kid myself into believing in a foolproof place where there is no such thing as uncomfortability. Too much exposure to Hollywood, I guess. (*heavy sigh*).
Where is Fantasy Island or Love Boat when you need it, huh?

Ech, I never liked either of those shows anyway.


Hadas said...

Haha! Just as I was asking myself, on the eve of my departure from HLC to the freezing cold - why am leaving? Breathing into it sounds like a good idea. As for myself, I came to the conclusion that choosing the nomadic life meant never breathing into the difficulties - not taking responsibilities, never having to deal with problems - why should I - I'm leaving anyway. I have decided to come back and let my child grow up in his natural environment - with his family, in his tribe. For me, returning (if it will really happen) will mean growing up. I wonder how your story will evolve, and if we will meet again in HLC, or San Francisco. Take care. It was wonderful meeting you and your lovely family. Daniel sends a big hug to Rafa.

Stephanie said...

Well, I'm not moving again - too much of a schlep - so I'll see you here. And ditto on the meeting..SLF