Hail Mary

You know that I went to a Catholic School, right?

Wait...Are you Jewish?

Yeah. I don't look it, I know. I was adopted. But I had to go to Catholic school for discipline. I was a PROBLEM CHILD. We had to wear uniforms and everything.

Whoa. How was that? Did it work?

I dunno. I used to sit there during mass and look around at the ornateness of the church - the colors and the stained glass and the flowing robes and the altar boys - and think: "My God, this was designed by a gay person. The church is gay."

In general it was okay but Andrew Schwartz - he was the only other Jew at school - and I got into serious trouble when we decided not to stand up for mass one day. It wasn't because of the Jewish thing. We were too stoned to stand up.

We got sent to the head priest's office and my mom was called in. Big scene. The priest said that regardless of our religion, while in Catholic school we would stand during mass.

The next time after that, we stood. AND we even took communion. But it wasn't because we were being obedient. We were stoned again and we had the munchies.

True confessions of a Tel Aviv yoga teacher